Things every parent has done at least once that you will never admit to anyone.

• Let your child eat off the floor. You’re at Panera Bread, your kid drops his gigantic chocolate chip cookie and before you can say “yuck,” he is gnawing on it again. You look around; no one saw you. You make a mental note to watch for hives and fungal infections over the next 48 hours.
• Forcing sleep Part 1: the swilling nurser. Your breastfeeding baby has been AWFULLY cranky the past few evenings—oops, was that your second glass of wine or your third? Oh well, no matter, its mostly metabolized, time for bed!
• Let your child go more than 3 days without bathing. Life gets in the way. Its 30 minutes past bedtime, and you have to get up for an early meeting the next day. A wet washcloth with some hand soap will have to do for now. They stink all the time anyway, right, what’s one more day?  Its not like they’re trying to impress anyone.
• Laughed when they cried: You’re usually not a cruel person. You love to see your child happy. But today you have been hit in the face 9 times, kicked in the groin, had your home cooked meal spit out, been told ‘no’ ad nauseam and now your child has the audacity to ask you for a snack before dinner? You say no, the tantrum begins; the tears start to flow and deep down you’re thinking “Now you know how I feel, buddy. Sucks doesn’t it?”
• Forcing sleep Part 2: the ‘extra long’ case of hives. Hell, I’ll cop to this one. Beatrice had an awful case of the hives last fall. The doctor said Benadryl every 6 hours until the hives were gone for 48 hours. We all slept fabulously that week. But when the hives started to disappear, hmmm, well let’s just say I was being EXTRA cautious to make sure they were gone for good. “Bob, don’t you think that looks like an itchy spot? We don’t want the hives to come back, do we? Its 7 pm, she needs some Benadryl.” Time for bed!
• Cheetos for dinner. Or cookies, or French fries, or cake. Cheetos is a metaphor for “I haven’t had time to go to the grocery store, husband is coming home late tonight, I have laundry to finish, the kids are at their wits end and I think they had broccoli two days ago.” Sometimes, you have to make trade offs for your sanity.