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Bob on K-Stew

27 Jul

Just because I was bored this morning, and it’s been a while since we’ve had a good Bobism….
Me: So what do you think about Kristen Stewart cheating on Robert Pattinson?
Bob: I think I can’t believe anyone with a life cares about it.
Me: Do you even know who they are?
Bob: Yeah, they are the vampire people. Aren’t they in high school?
Me: No, they are in their 20’s.
Bob: Who cares? Everyone cheats on everyone in Hollywood anyway.
Me: Yes, but she actually came out and made a statement. Someone must have had something on her for her to do that.
Bob: Whatever, they’re all stupid.

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Bob on landscaping

6 Jun

Well, look I don’t blog for a few days and we’ve gone and bought a house! Its been a crazy whirlwind couple of weeks to say the least. We got an offer on our house Sunday evening, and then turned around and made an offer on another house Monday night.

The house is great, although I’m sad to be leaving the city. It has a yard (what the heck is THAT??) with a very big upward slope. So, much of the yard is not usable for things other than sledding, frolicking and general scenery. Its fine, the flat part is still bigger than 8 of my current yards. The current owners have it landscaped nicely with some retaining walls. So Bob and I are talking this evening about what we’d like to do with the house over the next few years….

Bob: Maybe we can do some terra cotta landscaping.
Me: You mean terraced landscaping?
Bob: Yeah, that too.

Bob on Pixar Movies

9 Apr

While driving around on Saturday, I spot a classic truck from the 40’s or 50’s, restored to mint condition.

Me: Oooh, look at that truck!
Bob: Wow, that’s cool. Kind of reminds me of that truck from that movie… Trucks?
Me: Trucks?
Bob: No, what was it…Cars! What was his name? Mater?
Me: Oh yeah, Mater.
Bob: Is that supposed to be short for TO-MATO?
Me: No. Its “Tow-Mater.”
Bob: So like a tomato. Or a Tomahto.
Me: No, he was a tow truck so its “Tow” Mater. A play on words.
Bob: Oh I thought it was because he was red.
Me: He was brown.

Bob on Surgery (also known as Bob on lady parts)

16 Mar

Bob and I are visiting his parents this weekend.

I should give a little background for this one.  My mother-in-law had a bout with breast cancer about 5 years ago.  One of my best friends is going through the same thing.  My MIL just had knee surgery.

So, while sitting at the breakfast table, Bob, my mother and father-in-law and I were chatting.  My MIL inquired about my friend and her progress.  I lamented that, depending on the results of some genetic studies, she may have to eventually have a hysterectomy.

MIL: Yeah, but after all she’s been through, it won’t be so bad.  The surgery itself for me was an easy recovery.

Me: That’s good.

MIL: They will just go in laparoscopically, you know, like they did with my knee.  Three little incisions.

Bob (Looks up from the paper): What… they go in through your knee for that?

Everyone: NO!

Bob on Personal Hygeine

12 Mar

Tonight while cleaning up from dinner, Bob said “Oh I meant to clean those bottles yesterday.”
Me: Oh I thought you said said “I meant to clean my bottom yesterday.”
Bob: No… but I did run out of soap.
Me: Oookkkk……
Bob:  I had to use the Axe Body Wash instead.
Me: {silence}
Bob: Its just not the same.

Bob on Small Appliances

17 Feb

One morning as Bob was cracking eggs to be scrambled, he started tossing them into the trash can.

Me: Why don’t you just throw them in the disposal?
Bob: {Absolutely incredulous look on his face}. What??? Noooo.  You can’t do that…can you?
Me: Yes, that’s what the disposal is for.
Bob: Eggshells don’t go in the garbage disposal. That doesn’t sound right to me.
Me: No, they do. Trust me {I start tossing them into the sink}
Bob: Wait…. that’s all you do? They go in whole like that?
Me: Yep.
Bob: Even the brown ones?
Me: Yes.
Bob: And why do we do this again?
Me: So the trash doesn’t stink like rotten eggs.

Bob on Children’s Programming

29 Jan

While watching Sesame Street this morning….

Bob: Oh hey there’s that one guy.
Me: Bob.
Bob: Yeah.
Me: No, the guy’s name is Bob.
Bob: What is Oscar?
Me: He’s a grouch.
Bob: Yeah yeah I know that, but what IS he? A komodo dragon? A Guile monster?
Me: Can’t he just be a grouch?
Bob: No I mean I know he’s not human. What IS HE?
Me: He’s just a make believe monster.
Bob: I don’t deal in the make believe.
Me: You are watching Sesame street and the baby isn’t in the room.
Bob: I’m not watching, I’m observing. So when Bea comes to ask me what Oscar is I can say oh he’s a big gerbil that turned green b/c he was so dirty. Like a booger.
Me: {Silence}
Bob: He could be a marsupial.

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