Top Ten things said during DC getaway weekend

10 Oct

I worked at The Baltimore Sun from 1999-2008. While I don’t miss (most of) the advertising world and constant pressure from sales managers, I do miss my friends there very much.

The people were, honestly, what kept me there for so long. On at least two occasions during my tenure, I very furiously sent out resumes and seriously interviewed elsewhere. It wasn’t a bad place to work (in hindsight, not bad at all), but as with any job, after a while you get stuck. I eventually did leave–to go back to school to get my MBA.

Anyway, during my time there, my girls (let’s call them SBs) and I got to attend many Holiday parties, advertising awards dinners and the like. Anytime there was alcohol (two drink tickets per person; more if you were lucky enough to find a pregnant person or Southern Baptist), things got silly, to say the least. Everything uttered was hilarious, of course, and somehow memorable. To that end, we started a tradition called “The top 10 things said/ heard at… XYZ event.”  They were as much “Top 10” as David Letterman’s are ranked, but calling them top anything just added to the humor, because it was pretty much just childish toilet humor.  Usually these quotes weren’t even funny to the outside world, but sometimes if you knew us well enough, you could just let your imagination run wild.

One particularly randy evening we all started leaving messages for each other on our, and our boss’s, voicemails, to hear the next morning. I also recall having my photo taken while laying on the hood of my car, Whitesnake style.  Except it was December.  LOL.

So, in that tradition, I present you with the Top 10 things Said during my recent DC weekend Getaway.  Bob and I went away, sans baby, for a couple of days to celebrate our anniversary. We stayed at the Ritz Carlton and got a couples massage.   Of course, most of these quotes were uttered by Bob (so this does fall into the Bobism category too I suppose), but I’ll let you decide.  Oh, and #9 is in reference to the BATH MENU (yes, you read that correctly… for $50 they will send a man in a tuxedo to your room to draw you a bath and throw some aromatic salts in it for you).

10.  Do I have to wear underpants to get a massage?

9. I’d like the Stars Spangled Bath please.

8. When you fart at the Ritz Carlton, it smells like roses anyway.

7. Was it the boner-free kind?

6. Would you like to try my spicy balls?

5. Its only 7:00, we can’t go home until the kids are in bed.

4. My friend is a gamecock.

3. Is that lotion on your hands?

2. No, its bacon grease.

1. Dry my wet buns please.


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