Devious ways

29 Sep

Its amazing how devious I’m becoming as my daughter gets older.  One morning recently I was reminded of the episode of South Park, entitled Scott Tenorman Must Die. Stay with me, here.

In the episode, Catman is bested by an eigth-grader, Scott Tenorman. Cartman thinks that he can buy Scott’s pubes (yes, you read that correctly) and it will still count the same in the manly column as growing your own.

Anyway, of course his friends call him out and he spends the rest of the episode trying to get his money back, and Scott just keeps outsmarting him.

That is, UNTIL the very end when, well, if you haven’t seen the episode I won’t ruin it, but let’s just say Soylent Green is Made of People.

So, on this particular morning, I plop some scrambled eggs on Bea’s tray (which she just happily ate for me a few days prior) and she started whining. She put one to her mouth, did a little lizard lick, and put it back down.

Whaaa? Something the queen doesn’t like? No, Goddammit, I made these eggs just for you and you need protein. Hmmm, look how good they are, mommy’s eating them. Oh, maybe if I give them to you on a fork. No? What if I cut them up real small for you? Not going to work, huh?

WHAT THE FUCK, YOU JUST LIKED THEM TWO DAYS AGO!!!!!!

Grrrr.  So, I begrudgingly mixed up some oatmeal and peaches and started feeding her.  I noticed the little scrambled egg bits still left on her tray.  I thought, what the hell?  So I put some in the bowl, mixed it up so they were nice and coated with oatmeal and fed it to her, making sure she got a good chunk.

Chew, chew, weird face, chew, chew swallow.

“You like that?  I put eggs in it!”  I said to her, in a similar tone of voice that you would use to tell your high school rival that she has a booger hanging out of her nose.

Another spoonful.  Gulp. “Yeah, that one had eggs too,” I say, laughing. Na-nee-na-nee-boo-boo.

I’m not sure why this mattered so much to me.  I’m stubborn and a control freak, and I realize there will be battles I will lose.  But clean trays feel like a victory, and wasted food that I cooked, in general bothers me.

This is what my FB status read later that day:

“Dear Bea, remember this morning when I tried to give you scrambled eggs and you closed your lips tight and swatted my hand away?  And instead I gave you oatmeal and peaches? Well guess WHAT?  I put the scrambled eggs IN the oatmeal!!!  You ate it anyway!!  mwa-ha-ha-ha… I win again!!”

So, I’m not nearly as devious as Cartman, but I’d say I got a fair amount of satisfaction out of this one.  She’ll even the score eventually, I have no doubt.   😉

http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s05e01-scott-tenorman-must-die

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One Response to “Devious ways”

  1. kara October 3, 2011 at 1:07 pm #

    i know this is totally something i would do. lol.

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